home again home again jiggity jig

i've been home for less than 3 days, but it seems like much longer- like i'm in some sort of small-town time warp. the first couple of days were busy, seeing people, unpacking, getting settled back in. my head has been especially busy trying to figure out where i am and what the hell i'm doing back here. today, i started work back at rachel's bread where i worked all through high school. it was a busy day, and i was tired by the end of it, but i felt a gradual realization throughout the day that this is where i need to be right now. working at rachel's- chopping veggies, washing dishes, bagging bread, having engaging as well as light conversation with co-workers will, i hope, give my mind time to slow down a bit. after work, i bike over to my dad's place and he made me dinner while i took a nap on the couch. its nice to be close by so i can have more regular interactions with my family, rather than just one intense week over a holiday.

i haven't been back to goshen for more than a week or two in the last 3 years, since i graduated from high school. and i think that as my parents marriage dissolved a year and a half ago it became more appealing to avoid goshen. but i feel like after a roller-coaster that the last two years have been, goshen is where i need to be. i need to be here for the familiarity, for the sense of community and support, for the acceptance of my whole self that i feel so much more readily from those whom i have grown up with and known for long periods of my life. i need to be here to regain some equilibrium.

in other news, i just found out that i was awarded a nice scholarship from MMA for school next year that i applied for back in february. yeh! thanks for urging me to apply grams!